Mancunian Spring Exclusive: James Walsh Installed As New UK Prime Minister

Date: 1st April 2016

Author: Smokin’ Joe Brotherton

 

Ecologist, promoter and occasional politician James Walsh (also known as Walshy to some of his mates) has been installed as the new UK Prime Minister with instant effect

In a short, private ceremony at Buckingham Palace, early this morning, the 1st April 2016, the Queen gave Mr Walsh some papers to confirm the position

It was later confirmed that Noel Gallagher and Russell Brand had drafted up the text on the back of a cigarette packet on Thursday

The Queen said “James Walsh is a top geezer who got 53 votes in the General Election in Blackpool North – Walshy is the man to repair Broken Britain whether we Bremain or Brexit!!”

“I’m over that dodgy Dave Cameron, I even signed that petition not to let Dave back in to the UK!”

“That Mr Corbyn seems like a nice man, Jeza can help Walshy run the country and I also like those chicky babes Natalie, Nicola and Leanne, they seem like sensible gals”

When asked about Tim Farron, the Queen said “Tim who ?”

Mr Walsh gave a speech, clutching the papers, on the steps of Number 10, before mooching in the building to re-arrange the furniture, install a large sound-system and have a party with some shuttled in, slightly confused celebrities

The speech gave some indication of the new, radical, fresh direction the UK is now taking

“I shall be forming a unity government of people who completely agree with my politics”

“I shall be getting rid of the National Debt by telling our creditors to frack off! I shall be banning fracking, cancelling Hinckley nuclear power station and I’ll also be declaring the “Northern Powerhouse” a national joke and shall be asking all Northerners to move swiftly on from the debacle, including the ones that never heard of the “Northern Powerhouse” in the first place!”

“I’ll also be having a big sit-down with leaders from the Chinese business community to explain to them that George Osborne gets a bit carried away sometimes!”

“I also plan to meet with European Union top brass to tell them to sort themselves out and meet with the leaders of ISIS to introduce them to the music of Bob Marley”

“I shall also be saying to Donald Trump, “Give yer head a wobble”, actually I better not do that, the wig might fall off!”

“Finally, the Snoopers Charter is now to be the Snoop Lion charter, a charter for the people of the UK to encourage Mr Lion to continue producing phat, chilled, reggae-step, rather than that heavy gangsta rap”

A Reality Party spokesperson said “Hemp is the future man!”

 

 

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